It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
