Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
