I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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