I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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