it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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