cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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