I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
