he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
