You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
