I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
