If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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