i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
