You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk is not a location!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
