YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
