She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
