I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
