You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
