how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
