i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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