I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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