My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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