Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
