I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
