I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ok first of all what the fuck
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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