you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
