Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
