Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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