Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
not ubering you a puppy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
