he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
