I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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