Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
