he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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