just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
