Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
