In the future we'll all be gay
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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