Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
