Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
