"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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