I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
