Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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