I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
