Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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