If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i think i just lost a toe
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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