I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
