I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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