my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
