Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
worst night to have a conscience
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
