Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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