Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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