i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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