I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
