he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
