Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
