Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
