i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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