it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
