I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
