the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
