we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
