Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
