Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
