Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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