Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex on a dog bed..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
