I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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