bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
