im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am one with the molecules
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
